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Heavy Light

by Charlie Kaplan

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1.
Beefcake 04:57
I wanna be a beefcake I wanna take what they take I wanna do everything they can do And I don’t want to be rejected So sick of feeling dejected I wanna be everything I can be Oh And I start out feeling I’m flying The next minute I’m dying I just feel like I could be more And I never guided a writer Fiat, Gatling, or Geiger I want to be everything I can be Oh And I, it’s like winning the lotto And then hitting the bottle I just feel like I could be more And I, I was reading the Bible Its the struggle, survival I wanna be everything I can be Oh Doesn’t need to be like that Oh, I know
2.
Up close, trying not to breathe My life so far was suddenly a dream And then, he’s gone And I am my mother's son I can't find out What it is I’ve done I'm the one standing your mirror And you’re the one between there and here Living in a moment, frozen, I kept running past the end And running the same thoughts through my head over and again Clutching on your silent phone you hang on hoping still You ask me what I’m gonna do and I can't I can't I can't remember Nothing at all No, nothing at all Then in a moment or two, when it’s faded from view I thought I saw you One day, I’m okay, but the next day I am not I can’t sit still with any passing thought Talk, talk Tell me that you’re real When I’m alone Tell me what to feel I spend a day in my old house just trying to take it in But two months later on the train I’m falling apart again Once again, lost out in time just searching for a strand Stopping myself to ask why I can’t I can’t I can not remember Nothing at all Going back to that fall In a moment or two, when it’s faded from view I thought I saw you Don’t fall apart It’s breaking my heart I can’t, I won’t, I don’t want to wake up I hope against hope, but it’ll never be enough
3.
For You 03:09
Picking it up Or putting it down I can't even say I care Showing up And making the rounds Just to know that I was there For you Heavy light, shining from the shrine Too many things I just can’t share Alone at home After school I promise I'll always be there For you I remember feeling scared that everybody’s watching me walk home But the road will always tell you where it thinks you need to go Living all my life and I’m still wondering how you could be found Touching everything in 100 mile radius around For you
4.
Later on in a cough of dust I was reading up, never touching the stuff I know what a lie looks like And I tapped back in each and every night No no no In and out and right through the walls It’s a hollow point; it rings when no one calls And out and up out through the sides A clean break, willing to make a mistake No no no And that’s why nothing’s gonna change Nothing, nothing, nothing’s gonna change I was up halfway through the night Only half awake, half aware of the sight Of you standing by my bed Staring up at me, wondering what I had said No no no And that’s why nothing’s gonna change Nothing, nothing, nothings gonna change

credits

released April 5, 2022

Charlie Kaplan - guitars, vocals
Andrew Daly Frank - guitars, bass
Ben Wagner - drums
Ian Wayne - synthesizers
Cole Kamen-Green - trumpet

Produced by Andrew Daly Frank and Ian Wayne
Engineered by Andrew Daly Frank and Ian Wayne
Mastered by Michael Gillilian at Giltone Mastering

All music written by Charlie Kaplan

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Charlie Kaplan New York, New York

I'm an independent songwriter.

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